Take a Leak ..

Take a Leak with 24 Carat

In light of the recent Wikileaks steady release of US Embassy cables, 24 Carat has decided to put in place a continuous release of its own memos. Craftily named The London Escort Leaks. Perhaps a name change is in order. Okay from now on they’ll be called UK London Escorts Cables. See, that rolls off the tongue a lot nicer.

The first memo we feel, in true Julian Assange style, that the public deserves to hear about is the description of one of our pioneering Escorts, Loren. Set here is the documented memo and below, an explanation as to the aforementioned documens. Look, the Guardian has to explain the US Embassy Cables, so we’re going to have to explain the UK London Escort Cables. They’re far too complex for the your average layman, or even your average antibiopathic neuroscientist. That last job title was invented.

Cable #2153
Subject: Loren
Loren is the complete package. At just 20 she’s just a beginner in terms of the Escort Industry but she’s ambitious and looking at her, I’m sure she has a great future if she wants. Loren’s got big plans, we talked them through over lunch when I met her and she’s full of ideas…lap dancing, modelling, make up artist, fashion design she even mentioned opening a coffee shop in her home town, my head was spinning by the end, but I guess the conclusion you draw is that Loren is fiesty and determined to succeed.

Points to flag up: She’s 20, or rather, she’s young, blossoming and pretty as hell. She’s ambitious which means you can bet she’ll be perfect to take out on a work do. Watch your colleagues’ jaws drop. She’s full of ideas which include modelling. Read: she looks like a model. I mean if you’re not booking her and still reading this then I think you’ve got some sort of problem.

Now if you find that difficult to cope with, and believe me, you’re not the only one, there is another notable cable we extracted from the thousands of pointless crap between Russia being a mafia state and UK police fabricating evidence against Madeline McCanns parents. Nobody needs to read cables such as these when there are more pressing matters at hand. Like Lucia, she’s a pressing matter. We’re providing the public with need to know information and below is another example of what the world really needs.

Cable #3493851
Subject: Lucia
This is a gorgeous mature girl who is so open-minded she will fulfil all your dreams…you will have a fabulous time.

This leggy lovely will certainly set your pulse racing.  You don’t have to coax or cajole her. You don’t have to tread easily and sip her like a fine wine. Lucia is for quaffing, gulping down, refilling your glass and quaffing again. She’s that first pint after work or the game. What you see is what you get…raunchy, hot, no holds barred.
A hot performance from a mature leggy delight who knows how to please.

If you need further pointers to understand the message in between the lines of Cable #3493851 then it’s probably best to go over it again and read the words. She’s hot, she’s yours and she’s “for quaffing, gulping down, refilling your glass and quaffing again”.

Why the UK London Escort Cables haven’t been debated in Parliament regularly is beyond us but look out for more strategically released cables in the future. Oh, and don’t hesitate to search our UK London Escort Cable Database via the website. We’re better than the Guardian because we have pictures.