What I really should have called this blog was ‘The Rubbish Gifts I Received This Christmas’. I’ve never been so disappointed in my life. If you think I’m exaggerating, read on – you’ll soon change your mind:

1) A book I’d already read. Enough said.
2) A jumper that didn’t fit properly. And I’m too lazy to swap it for another size.
3) A DVD of a rubbish film. Really, really rubbish.
4) A notebook. Extremely poor quality.
5) A pen. I loathe blue ink.
6) A box of chocolates. I hate cherry liqueurs.
7) A bottle of white wine. I only drink red.
8) Socks.
9) Socks.
10) Socks.
There you have it – an absolutely car-crashingly bad array of presents from my friends and family (sorry guys). It was so bad that I even considered getting a girlfriend. Yes, you heard it here first, my Christmas gifts were so disappointing that I actually considered shunning my bachelorhood and carefree lifestyle to become shackled to one (only one) female in an attempt to receive carefully chosen, high-quality, well-thought-out gifts at Christmas time. And birthdays too of course. And I suppose I could get a pressie on Valentine ’s Day too couldn’t I?
If I’d got what I really, really wanted for Christmas, here’s what the list would’ve looked like:
1) A new car. A really fast one.
2) Some golf clubs. Signed by Tiger Woods.
3) A magnum of champagne. Why not?
4) A box of Thornton’s Continental chocolates. My favourites.
5) The Wire box set. Naturally.
6) A Busty Escort in London to give me a lovely back massage. *Sigh*
7) Two Blonde Escorts in London to share a hot tub with me. Getting greedy now!
8) Twenty of the most beautiful of our Escorts in London to throw me a surprise party!
9) A bucket and mop and a sexy French maid to tidy up after the surprise party!
10) A super-king-sized bed with duck-feather pillows and goose-down duvet. To sleep in!
Okay so maybe I got a little carried away with this fantasy list. Plus maybe getting a girlfriend might not be a sure-fire way to ensure that I get these gifts. How many girlfriends do you know that allow their other halves to play away with the most stunning Escorts in London? Not many I guess. Having a girlfriend would be okay as long as I don’t have to be faithful. If it’s fidelity you’re after then I’m not the guy for you. Not yet anyway – I’m having way too much fun working with these lovely girls at our London Escort agency. But then again, what you don’t know can’t hurt you can it! You guys know how it works – give us a call and see which ladies are free to spend some quality time with you. Either you can show off all of your lovely Christmas gifts or have a shoulder to cry on because Santa didn’t bring you what you wanted! Our girls are extremely sympathetic and all set to cheer you up!
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