Cultural differences solved for Qatar 2018 through the use of sexy London escort “negotiators”.
Yes, 24 Carat is proud to reveal that the recent problems raised by the decision to house the world cup in a completely teetotal, largely homophobic country have been solved singlehandedly by, well, us. In 2012 approximately 450,000 London Escorts from the best London Escort agency in the world (i.e us) will be shipped, flown and, in extreme circumstances, catapulted into Qatar. It’s believed by top psychologists and anthropologists (us again) that this will help raise the general morale and, more importantly, distract the heavy handed Qatarian police force from the thousands of hipflasks bound to be smuggled into the grounds. The world cup is set to be held in Qatar in 2012, and so 24 carat are under strict orders to not only train up t he sexy troops, but duplicate them using top secret, none harmful, technology known as the PleasureSquared3000.
According to a recent survey conducted by professionals (from now on, and to save brackets, it will be us unless stated otherwise) it is scientifically impossible for a large male to identify drunken international football supporters when faced with the extreme aesthetic of a busty blonde Escort. If said male turns out to be an anomaly or is unfortunate enough to be visually impaired in any way, then said busy blonde Escort will undoubtedly be able to not only stun with her looks, but with her varied, interesting and entertaining conversation. There is no point using just anybody for this ordeal, and so 24 Carat have conducted rigorous physical, mental and emotional testing and have discovered that, unsurprisingly, every one of our Escorts not only passed the exam with flying colours but inadvertently rendered the test invalid due to the examiners being unable to control themselves.
Such results proved to be exactly what the troubled Qatarian government were looking for and so the ball has been put in motion for the 450,000 London Escorts to begin their rigorous preparatory duplication programme. Black Escorts, white Escorts, blonde Escorts, brunette Escorts, Escorts who specialise in massage, Escorts who don’t and Escorts of all shapes and sizes will join forces to save the dignity of the hundreds of thousands of international football enthusiasts who just really, really want to get drunk. Not violent, not particularly aggressive, just drunk. Though Qatar have insisted this will not be a problem for the general public, this is purely down to the collaborative efforts of the country’s foreign affairs secretary Ahmed Bin Abdullah Al Mahmoud and the world’s greatest Escort agency.
In the meantime, London males are requested to spend as much time with the London Escorts in order to give them some much needed respite from their schedule. Far from being tired, a byproduct of the training scheme means that they’re newly energized and even more eager to please. It could potentially be put down to the side effects from the Pleasuresquared3000, although “side effect” appears to give the heightened characteristics experienced by the Escorts a negative connotation. We can confidently state that, judging by various feedback and a secondary examination which, once again, ended in distinctly unprofessional conduct on the part of the examiners, all is in order. Better than in order, in fact.
One final point is that London males are especially advised to never bring up the subject of this highly confidential world cup saving mission when in the company of any London Escort. You know of anyone in MI7? Didn’t think it existed? Well, why do you think that is? All Escorts will pretend to be none the wiser, which just shows how dedicated they truly are to the drinking habits of us men. Brilliant.